


Amendment 5.2

by kunnskat



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 10:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12792522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kunnskat/pseuds/kunnskat
Summary: There's an Emergency Villains Meeting three days after Vulture is arrested.





	Amendment 5.2

"Order! Order in the room!"

"Oh shut up," Vulture sneers at the idiots surrounding him, rolling his eyes when sound is switched out with glares and one fellow, he knows not who and cares not either, demanding to know why they're here and don't they know he's a busy man? And hey, another thing to not care about.

"Just tell us," three grumbles, he's just gonna call her three because it's easier than having to differentiate.

"Someone told me they'd like to know who Spider-Man is," he starts up, knowing that'll grab all the attention and keep it even if he's not going to continue with what they'd clearly like to know. He's keeping that information on the down-low for now. "And kill him. That's not going to happen."

"He got you arrested!" two splutters, or maybe this is four but who cares, and again Vulture feels the urge to roll his eyes. He doesn't, because he's trying to keep the meeting from going right to Hell. 

"Yeah. Yeah, he did," and that's the worst of it. He wasn't really expecting Spider-Man to let him go, though. Even after he apparently saved his life.

"So what, you're just going to let him get away with that?" he may have to upgrade three, she seems better than the rest and it's not because she's not stuck here like them or that she got in pretending to be a psychiatrist. 

"Look, I don't like being stuck here as much as the next guy, but I'm also not going to make things worse for myself. If Spider-Man disappears after I get arrested it won't matter that I'm stuck here, they'll assume I had something to do with it anyway. And contrary to apparent popular belief, I don't know who Spider-Man is or I would've taken care of it before this all went down."

"Then what are we here for?" no, never mind, she's still three if she's going to prove her idiocy. 

"Because you're going to spread the word that no one gets to kill him, understand?"

"Excuse me?" the rest of them are just watching now, and he smiles dangerously. 

"You heard me. Tell them all that no one touches him. If he's not still alive when I get out of here then neither will any of you be."

"...He's pretty young, that's going to be difficult to ensure," one pipes up and huh, he understands why he doesn't speak if that pipy voice is all he's got. He sounds younger than Peter is.

"Then you'd all better get to work, yeah?"

\--

Peter stares, head tilted at the minor thief that's taping himself to a streetlight, not sure if he should go to the doctor or not. A checkup might be necessary, considering he remembers saying hi to the thief who'd, once he'd caught sight of him, dropped everything, pulled out tape and gotten started.

"What are you doing?"

"Your job, since you're clearly refusing to," the thief grumbles, giving him the stink eye. "Don't you have other criminals to catch? Hurry up and web my hands already, I can't tape them on my own you know."

Puzzled, but unwilling to look a gift horse in the mouth, he webs the hands but still spends another minute just staring at the thief leaning in resignation against the streetlight like he's got nothing better to do. Right. 

Peter puts it out of his mind an hour later when he spots a robbery in progress, deciding it's not as important and swings downwards, shooting a web between the robbers and everyone else. 

And then pauses to watch them drop their weapons and walk right into it.

What.


End file.
